vagabond

i am a lover and i am a vagabond-- the people and places and souls that i live to pour into are at a million different longitudes and latitudes. home is in his eyes and home is in her laughter and home is in the stoplight on the way into that town. how beautiful is it to find such peace, such joy, such security in so many places, people, things. how terrible it is to be in a constant state of longing for the pieces of home that are on a different page of the atlas. 

i am pining for roots, envious of the girl who, like the oak in her front yard that grows as she does, has her whole world at the tips of her fingers, anchored on years of life and love condensed into one dot on the map. how fulfilling must it be to know that everyone and everything your heart beats for is within reach. 

it brings me great joy to love richly, to know deeply, and to invest in the lives of those who are important to me. it brings me great peace to make lists and check off items, to give my best each day, and to spend time in the places that i know best. but i have not figured out how to successfully do these things without sacrificing another in the process. we each get the same 24 hours, and i feel as though im missing something, the secret of how to make them enough. i am a yes-girl when the question is love, but too often, i feel as if ive failed. i strive to give the best of myself in everything i do - to everyone i treasure - but even then, i am not perfect. 

i am a lover and i am still learning.

but maybe that's what life is all about.